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Pirate Laws 7
- No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain.
- If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status.
- A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn’t really be “snuggling”.
- A pirate may never wear another man’s clothing, unless he first kills that man.
- Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure.
- Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monocle. Any comments about “Mr. Peanut” while wearing the monacle are prohibited.
- When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back.
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